I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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