when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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