I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
