Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
