I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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