i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
