K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
