His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
