Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
