A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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