You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
