paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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