i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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