So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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