fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
