I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize