I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
