At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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