oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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