it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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