Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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