It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
