You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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