i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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