we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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