Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
