he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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