Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
