I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
