even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
