Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
