I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
