Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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