just tell him i said nine months
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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