I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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