Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
