omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
