if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
