alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's the barista slut.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize