I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
