census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
