Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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