at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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