did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
