it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
