You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
