I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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