His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
