I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
