Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize