you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
