if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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