every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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