so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
