thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
