he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
