PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize