:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
