Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
