Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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