we made out on top of his cat.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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