I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize