Your dad touched me again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
