I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
